Pink slime is killing us! Ammonia is poison! What’s that? It’s gross but hasn’t killed anyone or made anyone sick? You’re saying ammonia actually kills bacteria? Ground beef would be slightly more expensive without it? Well fuck that shit…I want my dollar menu to stay a dollar. What else can I be outraged about?
Meat glue? You mean cows aren’t made entirely of filet mignon? If I go to a $10 buffet that has unlimited filet mignon there’s a chance that they’ve reconstructed some of the oddly sized ends in order to make the portions more even and profitable on what is inherently an inferior and overpriced cut of meat anyway? BASTARDS!
Seriously people, don’t blame meat glue or pink slime…we brought this upon ourselves. We demand beef 24/7, and we don’t tolerate high prices or foodborne illness. Hearing about this stuff reminds me of the people on House Hunters International (yes I’ve watched that on occasion and it’s pretty addictive). “Ummm…so I want a three story house that’s on like a secluded mountain but also, like, on the beach, but it’s important that there’s a bunch of shops and stores and fun stuff nearby, but I don’t want to feel like…crowded by a bunch of smelly foreigners. I also want appliances that don’t exist in whatever weird country I’m in…and I don’t wanna pay more than $350 a month. Ugh, why is this place so small?”
Okay that’s a pretty loose way to introduce the fact that I don’t care what people say about it, meat glue is super awesome.
I mean…if I were to cut this thing up and fry it, that’d certainly be great.
But white meat always ends up being just a little bit dry…a little less satisfying than the fatty, juicier dark. So why not de-bone the whole thing, sprinkle some meat glue on it, then roll the whole thing up so that the white meat is protected inside of the slower-cooking dark?
Yes…it’s a tube of chicken. Calling it a roulade sounds more appetizing, just as lean finely textured beef sounds more appetizing than pink slime.
Let it sit all snug in some plastic wrap overnight, then just fry the sucker.
Throw together some pan-roasted carrots and a mint and pea sauce.
David Chang’s brick chicken.
What else can I do with this stuff? I’ve always loved scallops, and associated them with Chinese food. Anytime we would go to Gourmet Carousel and order a seafood dish I would hunt out the little bay scallops like it was my job. I don’t remember the first time I ate one of those gigantic sea scallops, but I probably freaked out. Wrapping it in bacon? Awesome.
The only problem with those bacon wrapped scallops is that you have to compromise. Searing a big scallop lets you get a nice caramel-y crust while maintaining a soft, creamy translucency in the middle. Broiling them is a riskier move, because the second you realize they’re cooked, you’ve gone too far. Bacon helps insulate them to some degree, but by the time the bacon is nice and crisp, all but the most giant of U10 scallops will be toast. Not to mention you have to stab it with a moisture-bleeding toothpick before you even get started.
Or…you could glue the bacon on.
Roll them around in a hot pan to crisp up the bacon:
Which protects that creamy scallop center remarkably well from the heat, then finish them with a sear on each side:
I could’ve seared them more. I was worried about overdoing it, but there was quite a nice amount of warmed but near-raw scallop inside.
Plus look how that bacon stays on perfectly!
If pink slime were this awesome and useful, I’d be writing a whole blog post about it too. So everyone can just go ahead and shut the hell up, but especially about meat glue.
Take a look at some updates to the blogroll over to the right. Dead links are gone, and new ones have come in:
My friend Hikaru is volunteering with the Japan International Cooperation Agency, and is stationed in Ghana for the next couple years. She writes about it at Hikaru in the Land of Chocolates in simultaneous Japanese and English, but I’m not entirely convinced that she isn’t secretly making fun of anyone who can’t speak Japanese.
If you couldn’t tell, my blog isn’t necessarily a model of healthy eating. I don’t think I’ve gone more than three posts at a time without deep frying something. Lately though, I’ve been trying to be more mindful of what I input (sometimes obsessive) in order to cut down on some poundage, and although I’m down about 10 lbs so far, writing about it wouldn’t be all that interesting (“I ate a salad…with an egg. It tasted exactly what you think it’d taste like.”) I’m not really good at the whole healthy thing, but luckily my friend Diana is, and for anyone who loves food and not being morbidly obese, This is My Brain on Sandwiches is the place to go.
And speaking of health, Alex and Emily are off in Chennai battling diabetes with nothing but their wits and charm…also a computer and internet and whatever else one would need to write their blog, emandalinchennai. Despite the fact that they’ve abandoned me in the heat and humidity of Atlanta for the heat and humidity of India, it’s nice to hear what they’re up to.